God I love that little girl...

How is it possible to love someone so much. I can't even explain it, words wouldn't do it justice...I just love my little girl to pieces. She recently has been having some trouble going to sleep. I'm not sure if she is developing a fear of the dark, or shadows in her room, or if it is more of a separation anxiety type of thing...maybe just a new appreciation that bed means no more play time. Who knows other than she's just not going to bed as easily as she had been. So, on these nights where she won't got to sleep she lays in her crib and just sobs, it is heartbreaking. Do you let her cry it out, to you go in and pat her back, do you pick her up, do you bring her out of her room...there is no good answer. Crying it out works for her, but not when she is this upset...the first night she SCREAMED for a good 45 min until we thought she was going to make herself sick. Then the other mentioned options can cause bad sleep habits. So against our better judgement we've been bringing her out into the living room...let her run around for up to 30 min and then back to bed...repeat as needed. Well tonight was the first night she decided to not go to sleep when Jason was not home...it's usually a team effort to get her back to bed. So I go in pat her back, give her her lovies and her binkie...still sobbing...turn her so she is on her tummy...pat her back...still sobbing...pick her up and rock her for a good 15 minutes...still sobbing...but now not only is she sobbing but she's sobbing for her daddy...yea makes a mom feel great. How do you explain to a 20 month old that daddy's at work. Finally she stops sobbing but now she is frantically chewing on her binkie...not the soft part but the hard plastic...figure it is her stupid teeth that are still not through the gum...so I give up and take her to the kitchen where her Motrin is...I swear the kid is going to be addicted...give her the Motrin and decided to try and rock her to sleep...now mind you this has not worked since she was just over a year old. Turn out all the lights and sit down in the recliner...and she lays her head down on my shoulder...5 min later she is sound asleep and snoring!!! How did that happen...she hates to be rocked...not tonight I guess. I honestly can't say when the last time I rocked her to sleep was...even holding her still long enough to hug her is a long shot. I sat there with her sound asleep in my lap for nearly 45 minutes just watching, well listening to her sleep. God I miss that. She's not cuddly so any chance you get you need to make the most of it. I can't believe that I couldn't wait for her to be a "big girl" and fall asleep on her own without us rocking her to sleep. How did she get so big so fast and why in the world did I want to rush through that innocent baby stage. I have a hard time remembering what she was like as a baby. Looking at pictures I don't seem to remember much...how could my 31lb monster of a toddler have ever only been 8lbs? How did she go from a helpless baby in to this moving and shaking toddler I rocked to sleep tonight. I want to turn back the clock and sit in the recliner with her being only 8lbs and just enjoy that moment...instead of wishing she would go to bed so I could do the same. Everyone says they grow up to fast, but I never believed it would go by this quickly. Sigh. I want my little girl to slow down...I want time to go slowly so I can enjoy the innocence of toddlerhood. In 4 short months my little girl will be 2! That just can't be right. Nights like this make me happy for my job change. I can't wait to have the summer to spend time with her and watch her grow and to learn who she is growing up to be. I can't wait for her to want me to fix a problem or a owie....those things are reserved for daddy right now...though I plan to take that spot as soon as possible, Jason just doesn't know that yet :) I've never been a fan of having her in my bed, but if it had been later than 8:30 she would have been sleeping with me...well at least until she started flailing and kicking me :) Maybe I will just sit in her room for a while and watch her sleep...god I love that little girl.