Life is good

These past few weeks have been so crazy, frustrating, and trying. But, I think that we are back on the right track. First...I am back working at the hospital and am finished with the schools. I learned my lesson and won't be making any job changes for a long long time. I guess I was not meant to work with children and I am so so happy to be back working with adult/geriatric patients again. The hospital feels like home. I really missed my co-workers and it is so nice to be with a big group of therapists again. I'm glad that it all worked out. Though I feel very badly for putting the school in such a bad position, but I had to do what was right in my heart...I know for sure that I did the right thing...this is were I am meant to be. My heart is happy again and I'm sleeping much better :) I feel like myself again!!! This past week was also Jason and I's 4th wedding anniversary!!!! I can not believe that we have been married for 4 years. It just doesn't seem possible..though I can barely remember what life was like before he and I got together :) I guess that in some ways it feels like we have been married forever...not much change other than my last name when we made it official, but still...next month we will have been together for 9 year :) It's crazy...the past 9 years have flown by. In those 9 short years sooo much has happened and changed. When this all started we were 20 year old college students who had no clue where life would take us...9 years later here we are with a home, good jobs, a happy marriage, and a beautiful 21 month old child. How did that happen??? I have learned so much about life and even more about myself. For the most part it has been a fun journey. Even the "bumps" in the road have taught us something about ourselves and our relationship. Every day I wake up I truly feel blessed to be living my life. I couldn't ask for a better husband or father for our child. I know that even when I drive him absolutely nuts that he still loves me with his whole heart. This weekend we were able to get away just the 2 of us. I think that we really needed some time to just be husband and wife and not mom and dad...yea we were still mom and dad...but without Mackenzie to tend to. It was great...good food and real adult conversation. That doesn't happen to often with a toddler running around :) I feel rejuvenated and like we were able to fall back into love with each other as husband and wife and not just as mom and dad...and we both needed that. I think we still struggle a bit with separating that role and actually taking time for just the 2 of us....it is ease to forget that we need to make sure that we as a couple are still in sync and not just going through the motions.

So...life is good...just plain good and I'm thankful for it everyday. :)

I hate it..

Plain and simple, I hate my job. I tried to convince myself and everyone around me that it was going well and that I like it but it was all a huge lie. I have not liked it from the first day I started working with students. I like kids, but not to work with them day in and day out. I've already contacted the hospital and thank goodness they will have me back, but that can not come soon enough. I just want this to be done, I want out, I never ever want to go back to a school for work again. I hate that I have to be sick to my stomach, not sleeping, and more anxious than I've ever been for 2 more weeks...it is going to be awful...I honestly don't know how I am going to do it. It takes every bit of my will power to drive to the buildings every day and that will power is running thin. I feel like a failure because it didn't work out...I feel like a fool for the same reason. I wish I would have just left well enough alone and followed my heart and just stayed put at the hospital...then I never would have had to deal with all of this. I need to be sleeping but my skin is crawling with anxiety over what tomorrow will bring and tomorrow is an "easy" day. It's too early for snow or I would be praying for a snow day. Maybe my car will die on the way and I won't be able to drive there...haha we can all dream now :) I think I have a record long head ache as well...it's going on 4 weeks and it's getting pretty old...I should have an ulcer from all the Advil I have consumed. I'm not a nice person with all this stress and anxiety. I'm tired of being moody, grumpy, and just miserable to be around. I think I will make a countdown calender of the days I have left until things are right again...or maybe I should just reserve a room in the psych ward...I think Jason may try and admit me...I know he thinks I've lost my mind. Thank goodness he supports me changing jobs again. Well....I should try staring at the paint again...I really need some sleep. 2 weeks can't pass by fast enough.