Biting toddler....

No it's not Mackenzie thank goodness!!! We have friends who have a little boy who is just two weeks older than Mackenzie and they seem to think it is okay that he bites. I watched in horror at dinner tonight as his parents allowed him to chew on their arms/hands as well as his older brother. Not once did they even bat an eye, in fact one time the dad held up this biting toddler while he was attached to his arm!!! I was horified...I was afraid to let Mackenzie down to run around. I don't want her to get bitten and then learn to bite. I would be mortified if she bit someone. That is a big no no in our book! So, here is my dilema...do I just keep Mackenzie away from him...do I forbid them from brining the child to my house(I had to do this with their older child last year)...do I voice my concern to her...what do I do. They are good friends, but their children just run wild and I will not have my child pick up those habits. I have a hard time because she is a good friend, but I guess I must think of my kiddo first. I can't stand ill mannered children.

Getting back on track...

I have to say that the past few days have been some of the most trying days in my life. Never in the 8 years that Jason and I have been together have I ever questioned our relationship. I knew that an argument was coming prior....things had been strained for a few weeks. These past few days were scary...I hate arguing, but I also refuse to push these feelings under the rug. I know that I need to loosen up, but something that upsets me as much as these past few days have just can't be pushed by the wayside. When Jason and I got married we both promised to be honest and open with each other, no matter how unpleasant what needed to be said was. We really have been able to do this and though it is uncomfortable/unpleasant at times, in the long run I think it is good for us. After a very uncomfortable/unpleasant night and morning we finally sat down and have a long and very open conversation. Though things are not perfect, life is much better. I think that we both said what we each needed to say and in a calm rational manner...something that neither of us had been able to do for the days preceding our conversation. I do think a lot of good came from our conversation. There are a few things that we still don't agree on, but it will come in time. I'm just thank for that things are getting back on track.

I so tired of this....

I don't know where to even start. This has been an awful week and every day is worse than the next. I know that you go through rough spots in your marriage, but damn this is hard. I hate it, I don't even know what is wrong, but something definitly is not right. We just are not getting along, we don't even speak to each other but for a brief minute, we are arguing all the time, he's glued to the TV, and I'm glued to the computer...everything about "us" sucks right now...well not Mackenzie, but it can't be good for her that we can't get along. This is not how marriage is supposed to be, we are supposed to depend on each other, rely on each other, heck just be able to have a 2 minute conversation. I'm tired of being angry, edgy, just wondering what crap will be next...I've been so tense and crabby the past few weeks it is not funny. It is affecting everything. I've done a crappy job at work because I don't have the patience to deal with the pt's or my co-workers. I just want to crawl in a hole and come out a day later and have things be better. I just don't know what to do. I've got to fix this...I can't keep this up...it is killing me. He is in Vegas this whole weekend and that is making this so much worse. He seems to have no regards to anything when his damn friends are involved. He jumps at a moments notice to fly all the way across the US when they ask, but give me hell for spending $100 on groceries for our family...I think $600 for a trip is more a waste of money than food for the family. I hate that he thinks it is okay to just go off with his friends when ever he pleases. I have not had a break from him or Mackenzie since Mackenzie was born...which is okay, but I'm so tired of being expected to work 40+ hours a week and then have no help what so ever while he plays, has a good time, and wastes our hard earned money. I don't mind taking care of Mackenzie, that is why I'm a mom...but it hurts that he gets angry at me when I don't want him to be gone all weekend with friends. I don't think I'm wrong...when you have a family you generally don't run off with friends like you did prior. At least I know I don't. I would much rather do something my whole family could do. Sorry if having Mackenzie along makes for a short alcohol free night, but spending time together is worth it...at least to me. I'm tired of his stupid friends and all they ever want to do it get drunk....okay we are pretty darn close to 30...college ended a LONG time ago. I like to have a good time, but I just don't' want to be around a bunch of drunken adults acting like teenagers...it is embarrassing. He knew this when he married me. I expect him to be an adult...whether his friends choose to or not. Tonight as we were having a heated argument on the phone he told me they were going to a strip club...I despise strip clubs. I asked him to not go into that place...he told me he would do as he pleased. I don't think I'm being unreasonable...That just does not sit right with me. It is gross a grown married man does not need to be looking at that crap. If he goes, things will not be good. I do not ask him to not do things very often, I just can't stomach that right now. I'm tired of crying...I need some sleep.

Blah...

That is how I feel today. I'm frustrated with myself right now and I don't know what to do about it. I think I need a vacation. Unfortunately that is a long ways away. Work is annoying me, my weight is driving me mad, and I'm just so darn irritable. Oh well. Maybe some sunny weather would get me out of my funk.

Little miss Mackenzie's been a ham as usual. She got "kicked" out of daycare because they clam that she has pink eye...though her eyes are perfectly clear other than a little red rim from her allergies. So we had to pick her up early on Monday and then they would not allow her back in today. I'm so ticked with them...I had to take her to the doc, Jason missed work, I missed work, Jason's grandparents had to watch her on a moments notice, all for red eyes from allergies. What a pain. Tonight she used her potty!!! She was playing around in the bathroom and pointing at her potty so I put her on it...much to my surprise she peed!!! I think we need to start following her cues and putting her on the potty when she shows interest.

I've got more to write, but I'll finish later.

Mother's Day...

Happy Mother's Day :) Well it is my second mother's day. We had my mom and grandparents and Jason's mom and dad over for lunch. It was great to see everyone and just spend some time together. Too bad the weather was crappy...it was freezing cold and raining cats and dogs. Someday spring will get here for good! I'm getting impatient for that day. I'm so tired of this crappy weather. Oh well. Jason and Mackenzie got me a beautiful necklace...it has a large heart with a little heart linked at the bottom and both hearts have little diamonds all around them!!! I'm a lucky girl :)

Being my second mothers day makes me appreciate what mother's day means. It's not about a day just about me, but about the fact that I am blessed enough to have a child that makes me a mother. It's not about gifts, lunch with family, or cards...though that is all very nice and much appreciated...those lovely things are just a bonus!!! But it is about celebrating motherhood. I love that I can celebrate such a special thing with the most important people in my life. Until I had a child of my own I didn't understand how important a day to celebrate this was. I don't think you can understand that, until you are a parent. I just love being a mom...even every snotty nose, screaming, tantrum throwing, patience testing minute. I absolutely love watching her grow and learn all about the world around her. I am so blessed to have such a crazy wonderful little girl. She is so full of personality and attitude. She so full of life and just loves to be the center of every one's attention. I'm so happy that she doesn't seem to be shy and afraid...she is just the opposite!!!

She's learned a bunch of new goofy things these past few days. She is getting pretty good at imitating things. She can march, walk like a sumo wrestler, dance, and play peek a boo when you ask her too. She also can point to her nose, belly, and toes when you ask...well if the mood strikes her :) She is starting to say things that sound more like true words! I'm not sure I always want to know what she is thinking though!!! She was great today with everyone around the house. I really think she enjoys all the attentions she gets when her grandparents are around! She is such a ham...I just love her to pieces. Days like these make the baby itch soooo much worse. I know the day will come, but darn it I'm getting impatient!!! :)

Few new pics from today :)

Picking out her shoes.

Playing with Great Grandpa

More fun with Great Grandpa

Hmm...I know this thing opens some how

Ahh...there it is :)

Looking outside with Grandma

This is a great seat!!! It fits me just right :)

Terrorizing the dogs.

Lining up the Little People

Busy day...I'm ready to go night night!

Random pics from the past few days.

I love Weight Watchers :)

In one little week I'm down 5.6lbs!!! Yea for me. I know it won't be that much each week, but it was so encouraging to see it drop that much in one week...and it's a "bad" time of the month for water retention!!! Oh I hope I can make this program work. I need to get my weight under control terribly. I know I can do it, it is just going to take a lot of work. But it will be worth it if I can get healthy again. My goal for next week is to loose another 4 lbs. I know it will be hard work, but I'm ready.

She's growing up...

Uh...she still has not even batted an eye that we got rid of her night time bottle. I am happy that she is able to go to sleep without it, but it was one of the last things that we used with her as a new born. All that is left from when she was tiny is her paci and her crib. It is bittersweet. But she has slept better since we gave up the bottle. Not sure why, but she seems to be sleeping more soundly. Maybe she was just over full. Who knows. I just hope it keeps up.

She has been a crazy toddler tornado the past few days. She has been so full of energy and exploring absolutely everything lately. She has figured out how to open the screen door into the garage, but hasn't figured out how to get past sitting on the first step and getting stuck on the door. Thank goodness, but I'm sure it is not long before she can get out of the house with ease :) I think that we are about to experience a growth spurt, she has been eating us out of house and home. For dinner tonight she had: 4 toddler size chicken fingers, a banana, half of a biscuit, 2 Tbsp of rice cereal, snack cup of Mandarin oranges, some cereal that Jason was eating, and 2 bites of my toasted cheese sandwich!!! I don't know where she puts it!!! So I'm guessing that soon she won't fit into all her clothes again...sigh

I hate to admit it, but I'm really ready for baby number 2. I know we need to wait until after my sis's wedding, but I'm ready now!!! I guess July isn't too far away :) Jason is ready too. Well, he's been ready for a while, but again we knew we had to wait. So, I pulled out some of the books that I refused to read the first time around. I bought many books but never read them because I was afraid of what I was getting myself into ;) The next time I want to do somethings differently. So, I plan on reading up and educating myself in areas that I was clueless about with Mackenzie's pregnancy. I also think that if I can convince my hospital I would really like to try to have a VBAC. I think that if I do things a little different, a natural birth would be within my reach. Now my mind may change when that time comes, but I want to keep my options open. I think Jason thinks I am nuts, but I know he will support me if I want to try for a VBAC. Okay I'm going to not think about it as much as possible and home the next few months go by quickly.

Here are a few new pics of our little lady :)

Hmm...what is daddy doing?

I wonder how to get out there?

Oh...I bet this handle thingy will help me out.

Darn just a little too short...maybe if I give mom a cute pityful look she will let me out!

ugh...horse racing...

I'm so glad I was busy and unable to tune into the Kentucky derby today. It proves to me over and over why I HATE horse racing. It's awful. I won't watch another race. I think it goes to show that these animals are pushed too hard, too fast, and most off two young. Why push an animal to the point where their bodies are so exhausted that they are tripping or just unable to support their weight and breaking their bones. We have it taped on the DVR, but I don't know if I will be able to bring myself to watch it. The pictures alone bring tears to my eyes. Let those poor horses bone mature and then let them run. They are babies for god sake. Their joints are not done growing and the bones are not mature...how can you expect them to pound the crap out of the immature bones/tendons/muscles and expect them to not get hurt. Just makes me sick. Poor horse.

First night w/o the bottle.

She didn't even notice. She actually slept better last night than she has in months. Now that maybe that she was absolutly exhausted, but she slept all night and is acutually still asleep :) She didn't even fuss once when we handed her her sippy cup and not the bottle. She took a few sips handed it to Jason and he took her back to her bed. We haven't heard a peep from her since :) My little girl is growing up!

15 months old today :)

Where has the time gone. It can't be 15 month since she was born. It just doesn't seem possible. But I guess it's true :) We had her 15m wellbaby today. Everything checked out just fine and dandy. Doc. said she looked great, only thing she was concerned about was her ever present cold. To be honest I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. The doc was surprised at the face that her chest was completely clear even though she has her "smokers" cough :) I tried to tell her this is how she has always been. She did suggest that we test for allergies at 18m to 2yrs if she still has the chronic congestion. If that doesn't prove to be the culprit they will take a look at her adenoids. I guess if they are chronically inflamed they can cause congestion. I learned something new :) She was pretty good for her exam. She tolerated everything but being layed down to have her belly and such checked, but even then she got over that pretty quickly. She did show her true toddler colors when she pitched a HUGE fit when I would not let her dig through the trash can...oh I'm so horrible!!! At least the office staff got a good laugh and the doc stated "quite the little temper there!" All I could think was, oh if you only knew. So all is good. The doc even agreed that it was okay if I postpone her MMR vax until she is 2...she said especially with the chronic cold she would rather I wait until she is 100% clear...haha maybe she will NEVER have to get it. Daycare should love that. She agreed to sign paper work okaying the delay of vax :)!!! I'm very happy...I just get a bad feeling about that shot...I never thought I would be one who wanted to delay vaccinations, but after much research and just seeing how awful she feels after them, makes me question why they have to do so many at once. I will not budge on the MMR, I just won't. I don't care what I must do or who I piss off...she is our child and that is that. Thank goodness Jason is okay with my position on this. I get a lot of strange looks, but until they can tell me 100% that it won't cause Autism or seizures I'm waiting. A coworker stated "if it causes a seizure it's not like she has a seizure disorder, it's just from the shot." Hello...every time you seize you cause brain damage and why would I give my baby something that could do that? Okay off my soap box.

Here are her 15 month stats:
~25 lbs 14 oz
~32 inches tall---yea she is almost as tall as the average 2 year old :)
~5 teeth with at least one on the way
~Clearly says(okay clearly to us): Dada, mama, daddy, doggy, kitty, dog, hi, bye, and uh oh
~Her favorite things to do right now are: Swinging outside, going for walks, coloring with chalk or finger paint(I think she is going to be a lefty), playing in her sand/water table, and running up and down the drive way.
~Her favorite toy: little yellow elephant and little pink elephant...oh and of course her paci.
~Her favorite foods: Chicken strips, peach yogurt, Mandarin oranges, cooked carrots, vanilla pudding, and potato chips(got a salt lover on my hands)
~Clothing size/shoe size: 18-24months up to 2T and her shoe size is a 5

Growing up too fast :)

I put away the bottles tonight. It makes me sad, but I know it is time. She is getting more teeth and is plenty old enough to not need the bottle. Plus the longer we have it the harder it will be to get rid of. The only thing we have left to put away really is the paci...I don't plan on worrying about that for some time...she still seeks it out way too much. If she is still super attached at around 2 we will work harder at giving it up.