Rough Day Ahead

Sigh...this is harder than I expected. I am completely dreading tomorrow. It will be my last day full time at the hospital. I'm absolutely dreading saying good bye to all the wonderful people I have worked with over the past 2 1/2 years. I really have been lucky to work with so many great people. The dynamic of the office are great. So many personalities, but yet everyone works so well together. It has been a great place work. I sit here tonight hoping and praying I am not making a horrible choice in leaving the hospital. I'm scared, just plain scared to leave...but after tomorrow that's it...I'm on to a new adventure...by myself. I have never worked alone, I have always had at least on other OT to fall back on with questions or concerns, heck even just fun lunch conversation. I feel stupid for giving that all up. But...this opportunity to spend so much more time at home is an answer to my prayers. I know it will be hard work, but I will get to see my daughter and husband more. I guess in the end that is what is most important...not that, that makes tomorrow any easier. Sometimes I wish I could just go part time and not have to change jobs. But I know that is not truly an option. With the way the world is now a days financially part time for me just wouldn't work. Sure we could change our lifestyle some, but honestly it really just wouldn't work. I feel bad for even talking about wishing I could go part time...I've known forever that I will need to work full time...because I know that it makes Jason feel badly. It's not his fault...I knew what he would be doing for a profession when I met him...I don't fault him for that nor do I want him to feel guilty. I honestly never expected to want to stay home...I figured once we had children I would just go on about working full time no problem. Boy does having a baby change your prospective. At first I didn't mind it, but as she grew and I missed more and more of the little things I found myself wishing there was a way to be home more. So, I guess I am answering my own self doubting questions...though this will be very hard to leave and start fresh...I get time with my family...I get to know my daughter better...I get to spend more than 2 hours a night with my husband...I get time to cook dinner...I get time to play outside...I get time with my family. I'm just ready for tomorrow to be over...I'm ready to be done crying (I feel like such a fool...for goodness sake it is my choice to leave an I'm sobbing like a baby if anyone even mentions it). Sigh....give me strength tomorrow to know in my heart that choosing time with my family is the right thing to do.