Done being frumpy :) and other random crap.

That's right. I'm done...I'm done letting everyone else's crap bother me and get under my skin, I'm done worrying about making everyone happy, I'm done wishing that I could fix everyone's problems. It's only taken me 29 years to get to this but I'm just done. This weekend I realized that by letting all that bother/worry me was only taking away from my abilities to be the best mom and wife that I can be. When I feel crappy and stressed from all that worrying my time with Mackenzie and Jason suffers...and in the end, they don't deserve that. So, from this day on I hope to be able to care for my family and friends, but to not bring everyone else's crap/problems/worries home with me. I need to go back to journaling daily and writing everything just as it comes to my mind, no sugar coating nothing because that's what a journal is for...plus it's for my eyes only. This past weekend Jason and I had a night to ourselves and it was wonderful to actually be able to put everything else aside and just focus on us. Since Mackenzie was born we have not really been able to do that. I really think that it was taking a toll on our relationship...we have bickered so much more this past year than all 8 years prior combined. We both agreed that is not really how we are together...we just are not like that usually. Spending the weekend just as us really helped us to realized that we need to focus more on our little family. We both are people pleaser's in a way and when push comes to shove we give up our time as a little family 99% of the time. I want our relationship to be like it was before Mackenzie. I want us to communicate openly and not be as edgy as we seem to have been lately. So, we are working on that. We both love being parents, but each in our own way are finding it challenging to balance all that comes along with daily life. It's hard to explain, but we find that we fall into mom and dad roles, but so easily forget the wife and husband roles that started our relationship. I suppose that you need to do that as a little child requires so much of your heart and soul. I hope that we can do this and get things back to how we want our relationship to be. I think that if we can do that not only will be better as husband and wife but also better parents to Mackenzie. We want Mackenzie to she us as happy with each other as we really are...even though it doesn't always appear that way :)

Jason and I spent the night up in Catawba Island on Saturday. It was fun to just be us and not be parents, well have to tend to a kiddo, you kind of forget what it's like to just be a couple when you're always tending to a baby. I forgot how much I enjoy being up at the lake and how naturally relaxing and calming the sound of the waves can be. I wish that the trailer was still there. I know we have not been able to go up much the past few summer with being pregnant and then having a little baby, but now we could really have a good time. Oh well. Being up there has our brains working over time. We found a small camper down by Marble head that is completely affordable, but how do you know if it a good idea. I know we have so many other things going on, but it would be wonderful to have a little escape that we could enjoy with our kid(s). I guess growing up you don't realize how lucky you are to have some of the things you did and I hope that I can give that to Mackenzie. Even Jason really enjoys being up there. But we don't' want to feel like we can't go any where else. Though whenever we do go away for a weekend, we almost always end up at the lake. So, we will see. With wishing to build a house and moving and all I know it's not the best time, but just like having babies there is never a perfect time. Oh we are just crazy :)