Bittersweet night..

Tonight is bittersweet. This will most likely be our last night in this house. I expected to be excited, but I feel more sad than excited. The house doesn't even look like ours anymore. There are boxes all over, emptyish rooms, bare walls, and just a plain old mess. Taking the pictures off the walls really made it feel real. It looks awful strange with bare walls. This is new for me. I know I have moved a ton of times during/since college, but I've never really moved from a home. The places I stayed during college were just a roof over my head. I never moved as a child, at least not that I can remember. Heck, my mom still lives in my childhood home. Other than moving from my childhood home, this will be the first time I have packed up my home. This was our first home together, the place we have spent nearly 5 years together, our whole married life in fact. Plus this is the place we brought Mackenzie home to, where she has grown into the wild toddler she is today. She has handled this packing so much better than I expected. I only got upset when she came home after we moved the furniture out of the family room...but quickly realized that it was fun to scream and listen to her loud voice in the empty room. She has helped me pack up all her worldly belongings without a fuss. I think this would be easier and more exciting if we were actually moving into our new home, but we are heading to a TINY apartment while the house is being built. I am anxious about all the changes that are going to happen in the next 6 months. In 6 months we will have moved out of this house, built a new house, had a baby, and moved into the new house. I hope the next 6 months go quickly...not that I want to wish my life away, I just want some normalcy back. I don't like living in limbo especially knowing we will be doing this with a toddler and a newborn. If I don't end up on the psyc ward it will be a miracle. I like my schedule and structure!!! I hope that the apartment is quiet. I don't do well with living in those types of environments. I will be an evil evil neighbor if we live next to rude/loud people. I hope that once we get started on the new house I will get more excited. We have so much to pick out and decide on before we can start the new house though. But, I think that will be fun...Jason is dreading it :) I am nervous about building and having a bigger home and all that goes along with it. I have this terrible fear of loosing my job all of the sudden. Hearing how the hospital is suffering financially and the possibilities of further budget cuts scares the crap out of me. Sigh...I wish I could just let it be and not always find something to worry about. I have pictures that I will try and post once Kenzie is asleep!